Now you see um…Nope!

According to one of my parental units, the State of “AA” has only three things that reside there: Those that want to sting you, those that want to poke you, and those that want to bite you. Since my visit there, I have been made aware (and partially succumbed to) all three perils within the inferred territory. As an introvert, I not only have to convince myself it’s okay to go somewhere, but that the ramifications from doing so will be limited. It was “suggested” that I visit a family member whose home I had yet to see. I had not seen the house since it was in another State. No surprise there. I had not left my State because…well…I didn’t want to. Regardless, the suggestion was made and I felt obliged to consider the trip. I tallied up the pros and cons and found my calculations were indicative of a positive outcome…damn! Having mustered-up the will to venture from my home for a visit to said relative, I didn’t think anything about the dangers I might encounter. At least not from the aforementioned perils so kindly pointed out by my parent long ago. I thought I would be sheltered from harm because I was safe in the bosom of my family. I was incorrect. Upon arrival, I was given the usual “nickel tour” of the establishment. It was very nice. I was given a quick look-see around the backyard and escorted back inside. Still nothing to report. It was warm…okay hot…and humid. But during the tour of the backyard, I had noted a misting system had been installed on the covered patio to counter the two deterrents which had presented themselves. Great! Since one of my relatives was still at work, and the other had things to take care of elsewhere, I made myself comfortable, got a glass of water, and stepped out into the backyard. I was immediately bitten on the upper lip by a mosquito. It was at this moment a particular warning came flooding back to me. Was it too late? Why, yes…yes it was. So, back inside I went, and stayed, for the rest of the evening. The next day my lip looked like I had a raging case of herpes labialis, and the bite itched like nothing I could remember. What’s that the professionals say? Don’t scratch? Screw the professionals. It itched!!! Topping it off, by being on the lip, there wasn’t too much I could put on it that would allay the desire to scratch which also wasn’t harmful to consume. Thankfully, masks are acceptable at this time, so I donned one. The only time I removed it, while out in public, was when we stopped to get a margarita while touring an “artsy village”. Note to self: salt on the rim of a margarita glass does not help overly scratched mosquito bites. Thankfully the rest of that day was uneventful, and I managed to avoid being attacked by anything else. Two days down, three to go. The next day I walked with one of my relatives to view the model homes still being pushed by the developers within this fine…fine community. I won’t lie, some of them had very well laid out floor plans. Like all introverts living at home with their parents, I dream of a place of my own. A place where suggestions to visit family members in other States isn’t readily advocated. In the spirit of having my own place someday soon, these model homes presented some good ideas for me to consider. Just not in that community nor in that State. On the walk back I noted that every yard had the same plants as the next. They were arranged differently, but they were the exact same plants. The house colors were also exactly the same with only minor variations of paint shade, and the rocks were in abundance. If there’s a quarry somewhere missing its rocks, I found them. I was informed this is what they call a “homeowners association”. It’s their job to make certain as little individuality as possible exists. One of the landscape plants must have heard my inner dialogue regarding the topography because it felt obliged to poke me with its tine as I walked past. Bite on the lip, poke on the leg. Yay!!! As I did not want to avail myself to the third scenario, the sting, I began to appreciate my surroundings. I was specifically looking for those things that stung and had the ability to fly. Not eyeing anything in that category, I realized this State also contained things that crawled and stung. I casually asked my walking companion about them both. The answers: Those things that fly and sting existed, but strangely enough, not around here. Those things that crawled and stung were there but had yet to be seen. Ummmm…okay. I can joyfully report that I did not experience the last danger that I had been warned of (i.e., the sting). However, I was not so ebullient to discover mosquitos aren’t the only things that bite there. On my last day, I made the mistake of going out to the backyard to look at the rocks/groundcover (don’t you judge me!!) I was wearing a no sleeve shirt and shorts (‘cause it were hot!). By the time I arrived safely back home in my State, my lower legs and arms looked like I had a pox of some kind. I had been eaten alive by creatures called “no see ums” and, my people, you don’t. See ‘um that is. If you think mosquito bites itch, wait till you experience these little darlin’s. Oh…my…word! I’m still waiting to find out why no one bothered to tell me about these little treasures. Huh? Huh? Anyone? Still waiting…Ten days it took before the bites calmed down. Fortunately, I was able to use ointment to alleviate some of the irritation and many an antihistamine in the form of a pink pill (you know the one I’m talking about). As an introvert I thought I covered all my tracks before I left the house. Now I have even more considerations prior to departing into the unknown which could, potentially, prevent me from future expeditions. But I keep in mind that I do what I do for you, so you don’t have to. I am also finding it extremely difficult to argue with my parent’s earlier declaration regarding “AA” which places me in the position of admitting “my parent was right”. And I don’t care how old you are, no one wants to do that.